Lovingly named after my favorite meme dog, I created this special cocktail with the help of my boyfriend after I kidnapped him and held him hostage in a motel in Armadillo, Texas. He simply would not stop yelling for help, so I fed him two cigarettes and he calmed down after that. I took him on a walk and we stopped at the liquor store to pick up some dark rum. After returning to the motel, I fed him another cigarette as a reward for keeping his damn mouth shut.

There was a problem, though.

We had completely forgotten to pick up any mixers. Not even a coke to wash it down.

So, once again we set out in search of some sort of mixer to make an entire bottle of rum a little more tolerable. However, I had neglected to take my medication that day, and could not remember what kind of liquor we had bought in the first place. White rum? Tequila? I wasn't sure. My head was too full of the Bees.

In my unmedicated stupor, I settled with room-temperature Margarita Mix for the... Tequila, or whatever. On the way back, we also stopped to get more cigarettes at a gas station and I grabbed a few Coconut Redbulls. Upon return to our humble abode, I realized what a terrible mistake I had made and began to lament my worthless fucking existence, spiralling into the deepest pits of despair. Dark rum and Margarita mix? What were we supposed to make with that?? I had failed and everything was ruined.

But, right as I was about to pull the trigger, my boyfriend handed me a styrofoam cup full of... something. It was a wonderfully vibrant, rich green. I put down the gun and took it from his hands, hesitantly sipping the concoction.

What I found was something truly wonderful. It restored my will to live and delighted my tastebuds. My beautiful boyfriend had mixed all three unlikely beverages to create one tasty drink, never before seen by man. We drank all of the rum that night and fell asleep to the soft sound of a motel TV and domestic violence next door.